Friendship is one of the most delicate things in life, apart from family, we also have friends. Some for good and some for bad. However, it does not matter what age you are, you can always meet people that are not good for you, so it is always good to know that type of friends you like to have and know how to keep your friends. So I developed this truce with myself to always help me keep friendships that I think they are worth keeping.
Tell the Truth
When it comes to friends, this is a must trait you must develop, alway tell the truth the reason is simple, the truth always has a way of creeping up when you least expect it, so why not practice it all the time. Have I lied to a friend before of course, but I can tell you now, we are no more on talking terms. And I can almost refer it back to the lie.
The point is this, we always know when we are been lied to and the thought after you have been found out is why did I lie in the first place. Some people will say lie not to hurt their feelings or lie go get away from engaging in an activity.
But I think that is all rubbish, I love the way the late Thomas Stanley mentioned in his book, he said never lie, if you tell one Porky pie you need eight more to cover it up and sooner of later you will need 56 just to cover those eight and then you have a compound interest of porkies. Which will eventually make you a fat pig.
Instead of lying find a better way do not over commit yourself and be true to who you are, your buddies will appreciate it.
Tell them when they are Wrong
I have seen this so many times; no one likes being told when they are wrong, but if you develop the habit, your friends will appreciate this more. But just like anything, this needs to be done only when it is impactful. Most times we are bad at seeing ourselves, especially our bad habits. So it is only fair that we are able to have the confidence that someone can see our shortcomings and are vocal about it.
I can remember this saying that if you ask someone how they would like to be corrected or confronted, you will hear, ” I like people been straightforward and honest with me” but when you do that, you hear “Men that guy is just too blunt”. No one likes to be confronted and this is why others do not do it. But if you can measure your approach, you should be able to know when you friend is receptive to criticism.
It is something you must do and encourage especially when you are forming bonds with strangers.
Tell them what you want
It does not make sense to have friends and not be able to express what you want from the association. One of the steps mentioned by Napoleon Hill is the mastermind, and he said that in a mastermind, you must be able to say what you want to get out of the association with the person you are engaged in the art of friendship with.
The reason is simple, at some point you will ask them for something or the order, and it is important to know if your friend has the capacity to give you what you want otherwise, they might see you as someone that is asking for too much. But it is fine to ask because it means that you might need to expand your circle to be able to get what you want.
Tell them where you are going in Life
This is very true, Paulo Coelho used this theme for the base of his best-selling book The Alchemist and the guiding principle of the entire novel can be put into one simple understandable quote:
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
- They help you find someone that can help you.
- Tell you not to dream too much
- They stay away from you.
Let me talk a bit more about the latter when they stay away from you, it does not mean that they do not like you, they just know they can’t and they do not know who can help you. And instead of them standing in your way so notice this subtle changes and take action. We are fond of thinking the friends we have now are more than enough, but you should realise that you need to give yourself the opportunity to succeed by putting yourself in the right places and meeting the right people.
Hang around them less
If you truly like your friends, then let them flourish, you can not be there for them always, you will choke each other out. What you can do is dedicate time to hang around each other. This is a lesson that will always be hard to measure because too much space means you loose the friendship and
This is a lesson that will always be hard to measure because too much space means you loose the friendship and little means you loose the value of your friendship. An alternative way is to ensure your activities are always beneficial to each other.
If you can not do without being around each other, then I will recommend you will the time with activities that are of benefit to each other so for example if you code, then have projects that you can work together and compliment each other on.
One thing I have found out is if you both are slackers in life one will wake up eventually and resent the other if he/she can’t break free.
I wish you the best in your friendship journey, like everything in life, test to see if it works as what will work for me might not work for you, but it beats you trying to figure everything out yourself.